The Translation Game

I think I mentioned that I muscled my way into translating at work. I am still making sales calls, 'lead generation' is my business jargon job title, technically, but more and more small jobs float my way now, from writing the forward in the new guide, to making the website sound like it wasn't written by a six year old foreign kid. I was translating something for the website last week. The sentence said, in french, "subscribe now and enter to win a case of champagne!" The translation that they had suggested was, in english, "subscribe now and win a case of six bottles of champagne!" I pointed out to them gently that although America's presence in the global community is not a very, ahem, admirable one, we do in fact know that a case of champagne has six bottles in it.
Without nerding out on you all too much, translation is the concept of moving an idea from one language to another, not just translating word by word, and I think my boss is now sick or hearing me use the word 'context', which is why she gave in and gave me the projects just to shut me up. First, I received a list of word and parts of sentences, and was asked to translate them. I...didn't. My big prideful stubborn love of language brain refused such nonsense. I wrote a LENGTHY email explaining that they wouldn't dare have me write for the french website, so why have a frenchie write for the english website when I'm sitting right here. It worked, but for god sakes people, give me some context. Marie and I have begun the arduous, time consuming, and downright delightful process of translating the whole damn website. I am certain that everyone else in the IFE program is also translating, but I feel this probably undeserved sense of pride in now being the trusted one in the office to look over all things by non native English speakers. I am still astonished by the level of english written by foreigners like Lisa the German, who writes newsletters in english for the website like I do. Go ahead, rifle through the last few weeks of news articles and see if you can pick out which ones I wrote and which ones ze German wrote.
(Random side note- If I fail to capitalize or erroneously capitalize a nationality or language, I hold the french entirely to blame. They don't capitalize these things, we do. There, grammatical errors from here on in rationalized. I expect no mom corrections. That's right, Susan Marie Rexrode, I am looking at you.)
I have thus transformed "We invite you without reservation to email or call us whenever you have further questions not addressed by this website" to "Contact us". French is flowery. They loooove their words, but an english website is an english website, and when it comes to Americans being of a country that honors individualism, there has yet to be a whole lot of deviation when it comes to universal buttons.
Another thing I forgot to tell you during the last few episodes of Paige's Inane Ramblings is that they serve booze at the lunch cafeteria. BOOZE. I have yet to partake but i will damnit, oh I will. If nothing else that I learned from drinking on the job at Woodstock's Pizza in San Diego, I learned that the more soaked you are, the better business you do. Within reason, duh. Thats it. Happy Easter. Go hunt and eat rabbit, or whatever.